If You Were Thing Of Robbing Us

I had a conversation with a co-worker the other day about my Doberman, Nina.  Let me set the scene first.  I work from home a few days a week.  The number of days in any given week revolve around the number of days the wife works and if something (say, a dishwasher) is being delivered.  On the day of this particular phone conversation I was at home.  I have a cordless phone / headset that I have had for a few years now (how I came about it is another story).  The kids (the son in particular) think it is really cool to walk around with the headset on while talking on the phone.  Because of this coolness factor, it gets used a lot, so much so that the headset stopped working very well (the speaker cuts in and out).  I shopped around for a replacement ($40-ish) and then thought of a plan B which involved re-using an old ear piece / microphone from the time when I had a cell phone.  This works pretty well but the microphone is more of a boom mike and picks up a lot of background noise (like say, dogs barking).  This occurred while on the phone with the aforementioned co-worker.

Nina, being a Doberman, has a rather menacing bark.  She means business and despite being a big baby at bedtime (the puppy dog eye looks we get every night crack us up) she can put the fear of God in you when her protective instinct kicks in (like say, when the neighbor is getting his mail).  For whatever reason, Nina was barking while I was on the phone.  The boom microphone picked it up.  The co-worker made a comment.  We talked a bit about Nina and he half joked that my valuables were quite safe with the dog on duty.  I made a comment that the dog WAS my valuables in that she WAS the most expensive thing I owned.  Here the conversation turned more serious.

This co-worker did not believe this claim and once we established the price of the dog ($400) he began to go down a list of things that I should own that were worth more than the amount of the dog.  I, in turn, refuted each item with either a reply of “I don’t own one of those” or “Mine only cost $x since I got it on sale / used.”  The list was quite long and he seemed quite determined to prove me wrong…

• Television - $299 on sale at Best Buy last Christmas
• Home Computer - $293 custom built by the son and I over the summer
• Jewelry – None to speak of per se
• Cash – Other than the (not quite completed) State Quarter collection and our change bowl (roughly $40 worth), none to speak of
• etc

After he was convinced (either that I had nothing of great value or that I was underestimating the value of my stuff) we moved on to the business at hand.  This did get me to thinking later though.  I really do not have anything worth stealing.  If a robber showed up, got into the house, and somehow subdued the Doberman they would be quite disappointed with the loot I have to steal.  I began thinking of things that are not normally stolen like furniture and still could not come up with anything greater than $400 other than our 5+ year old Tempur-Pedic mattress.  I am not sure that it still has a book value of $400 or more but it did cost more than $400 when we bought it.  Most of our furniture is used and the only thing we have recently purchased new was a $299 dishwasher.  So if you were thinking of robbing us, don’t waste your time.

If you still wanted to rob us, might I suggest bringing along a vacuum?  This is the one thing that the Doberman is afraid of.  For whatever reason she runs, cowers and visibly shakes whenever the vacuum is running.  She did not used to do this but lately it has this effect on her.  The wife has tried to overcome this by putting Nina on her leash and making her stay close while she vacuumed but this only results in a near injury as the Doberman is constantly trying to escape.  I try to comfort her and she will have none of it.  She is quite skittish for 30 minutes or so after the vacuuming is done and then she is back to her old, bark at the neighbor getting his mail, self.

Anyway, if you would like to steal our cheap stuff (or our mattress), bring a vacuum and give it shot.  Nina will be hiding under the dining room table (also not worth stealing).

Jon