Saturday, September 2, 2006

A Long Forgotten Theory (I'll Make This Short)

Greetings and welcome to today's random thought.

When I was much younger I proposed a theory that tied the number of words spoken to the length of one's life.  I suggested that at birth, each person was assigned an exact number of words and when that number was reached, they died.  I think I spent about 10 minutes thinking this up and working through the various parts of the theory (why some people die much younger / older, what about people who are born mute, etc.).  All in all it seemed pretty solid.  Over the years I have explained this to the few people bored enough to listen to it.  Each attempted to poke holes in it, usually failing.

I then read a study suggesting that women use about 7,000 words per day and men about 2,000.  Again I had to adjust my theory accordingly.  So women are allotted approximately 3.5 times as much words at birth as men.  Talk show hosts are also obviously given a generous portion compared to the rest of us.

If people would actually believe my theory, I think the world would be a much better place.  Think of it, no idle chatter at all.  No wasted speech.  Why would you want to waste your words so carelessly as to discuss sports, soap operas, your kids or grandkids?  Speech would be so precious.  Think of the money saved in court cases alone.  No lawyer would want to make long winded speeches to the jury or judge.

The biggest hole in my theory originally was what about people who take vows of silence (like monks)?  I answer that by suggesting that somehow (through divine knowledge perhaps) they are told that they have very few (perhaps one) left and hence a vow of silence.

My proof?  Well may I suggest that the last words out of every monk's mouth who has taken such a vow is, "Ouch!"

Thanks for reading my Random Thoughts.

Jon

No comments:

Post a Comment