I Fall Down

U2 LYRICS

I want to get up…But when I get up I fall down

This song (and the next one, I Threw A Brick Through A Window) are 2 of my favorites on this album.  This one speaks of failure and who cannot relate to that from time to time?  Written about 2 people he knows (Julie and John in the song), Bono sings not about his failure but others.  Either way, it is easy to understand the shame and humiliation that usually accompanies failure.

Thinking a moment about things I have failed at in my life I immediately think of my “career” as a professional bowler.  For a few years in the early 90s I drove all over the Midwest (and even a bit into Canada) almost every weekend heading to bowling tournaments.  I only won a handful of tournaments and only one that was associated with the PBA (Professional Bowlers Association).  That was a great weekend but it was preceded (and followed) by 100’s of failures to win.  I really had 2 goals in each tournament.  The first goal was to break even (to win enough to cover the tournament entry fee, food, gas and maybe hotel costs).  The second goal was to win.  I think I might have those goals backwards as there came a point in time in each tournament when it was obvious I was not going to win but I could still strive for the breaking even goal.  Either way, I failed at goal 2 almost always and at goal 1 about 1/2 the time (probably more if I kept track).  The long drive home alone with my thoughts and empty pockets gave me time to reflect on all the mistakes I had made in the tournament (I did have one kick butt stereo in my little Geo Metro though to crank up and drown out my thoughts).

I suppose that feeling of failure made the winning (or breaking even) that much more enjoyable.  What would joy be without sadness to compare it to?  Or pain without comfort or pleasure as its opposite?  Now I know that failure at sports does not rank up there with any failure in real life, the kind that affects more than just yourself.  I hope that I have not failed as a son / brother / husband / father.  I hope that I come nowhere near that word when anyone comments on me in one of those roles.  I can only hope that if I do, if I Fall Down, that I can get back up again.

Jon