“Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.” – Joel Barish (about Valentine’s Day from the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)
I just watched this movie this week (thanks to a free month of Netflix). It is a strange movie and a bit hard to follow in portions. The above quote is from the very beginning of the movie and is noted as a “random thought” by Joel in his journal. I can relate.
You can ask my wife to verify, but I do not like greeting cards. We were recently invited to a graduation open house for a daughter of friends of ours. We discussed / negotiated the amount to give as a graduation present (we were just giving cash in the form of a check) and arrived at an amount that we could both agree to that would not seem over exuberant or under appreciative. On the way home from church on the day of the party, the wife announced that we needed to pick up a card (in which to place the check). I argued (half heartedly as I knew I would not prevail) that a card was not necessary. We could use a normal envelope and a hand written note to get the same effect. This would not do evidently so we hit the 2 for a $1 card section of the Dollar Store. As the wife was writing the check I suggested that she deduct the 54 cents that it cost us for the card (with tax) and write a check for the lower amount. She fought initially but when I suggested that we could write a cute note explaining the amount that it would make for a nice memory for us all, otherwise she (the graduate) would just cash the check and then forget about it (other than the mandatory Thank You notes that would have to follow). The wife agreed and we all had a laugh when the card was opened. Time will tell if she (the graduate) remembers this event or not.
A long time ago (well, over 10 years anyway) we were invited to a baby shower for a friend at my work. As with all my friends, the wife had weaseled in and became friends with my coworker and his wife. On a side note, I have no friends of my own that are just “my friends” as the wife muscles her way in to all my friendships (that is of course except the friends that she does not know about [yet]). Anyway, we bought a suitable gift for a baby shower and the wife wanted to get a card. The glorious 2 for $1 section had not yet come to our Dollar Store yet so we were forced to consider paying full retail. It was going to run us $2 for a card (give or take) so I decided (they were my friends after all) that I would write a hand written note and tape 2 $1 bills together and stick the note inside. The note basically suggested that if they really wanted a card then they could take the $2 and buy a suitable card or (if they were logical like me) the could take the $2 and buy something useful like diapers. I never heard what they did with my $2 but I will bet you they did not go out and buy a card.
A month or so ago I bought a card off the 2 for $1 rack at the Dollar Store and hid it from the wife meaning to give it to her at a later date. This is a big deal for me as even at 50 cents, I still do not like cards (I could go on and on here but I think I will keep this short). Last night I decided that I would give this card to my wife. It had a silly picture of a dog on the front and basically just said “I love you” on the inside. I signed the card, licked the envelope and then began to think about where to hide it so she would find it later. I thought about putting it in her pillow case and then saw her nightgown laying at the end of the bed. I took the card and wrapped it inside the nightgown thinking that she would find it when she changed when getting ready for bed. Sometime around 7:30 PM I took off to make a Kroger run (looking for something sweet and some cheap wine). Sure enough when I came home the wife had changed into her nightgown. We sat on the couch together and watched a rerun of Leave It To Beaver (again, thanks to Netflix). She made no mention of the card, not even a hint that she liked it. We sat there through 2 episodes and still nothing. She asked me to rub her feet, etc. but did not acknowledge my giving her a card. I was starting to get perturbed. Finally we sent the kids to bed and headed to the bedroom.
As she was brushing her teeth I noticed that the envelope was sitting on the end of the bed. I picked it up and to my surprise it was still sealed. It was laying right there in the open. She HAD to have noticed it when she changed while I was at Kroger, right? As she exited the bathroom I handed the card and explained what I had done. Though happy to get a card from me (this is a rare event) she could not help but laugh at herself as she replayed her changing clothes and how she could have possibly missed seeing a card drop from her nightgown right onto our bed (the white envelope had to stand out on our deep purple bedspread). I pretended to be deeply hurt and (once again) swore off giving cards.
You can read the title of this blog as indicating that it is about the card I LAST gave to my wife or you can read it as I intended it; namely that this IS the LAST card that I will EVER give my wife.
Jon..
No comments:
Post a Comment