Value Entertainment

I mentioned in yesterday’s blog that the daughter hung out on the couch most of the stay in slug mode.  As such she got plenty of sleep.  So much sleep that at 2 AM she came into our bedroom to announce (in a very awake sounding voice) that she was not tired.  Given the wife’s inability even to feign alertness after 9 PM or so, I knew within seconds that this situation was all on me to solve.  I opted to putting the daughter on the coach with the good blanket and finding something on the TV.  This left the small rocker-recliner and the remnants of a blanket that we have all but abandoned to the dogs for me.

I only have a $12 antennae from Radio Shack and I am 30 to 40 miles away from the main TV stations so pickings are slim even during the waking hours for value entertainment.  At 2 AM this morning the best options was some music video channel called The Cool TV and the syndicated show Family Feud.  We opted for the latter.

I remember vaguely that for a while about 5 years ago this show made a comeback with Richard Karn (from Home Improvement) hosting.  I also remember Louie Anderson hosting before that.  Anyway, I recognized the host early this morning as Steve Harvey and I guess he does as good of a job as any of the replacement hosts over the years.  We watched two shows which got us until 3 AM and the daughter was still wide awake.  Nothing else kid friendly was on after that so I switched the TV input to our home theater PC and played Ice Age 2.  I made it for about the first 20 minutes or so and then dozed off and on until the end of the movie.

Once the movie was over, the daughter (who was still evidently wide awake) let me know that it was time to get up and find more entertainment during her insomnia.  I switched back to the antennae and then we watched an infomercial for the Flavor Wave Turbo Oven.  I have actually seen infomercials for this product before but this one was different in that it was hosted by none other than Mr. T (don’t believe me, here is a short video clip).  The daughter recognized him immediately from the Season 1 DVD set we have of The A Team.  I snoozed in and out of this one like I did the movie but it was followed by another infomercial for Hip Hop Abs.  This one should have been rated PG-13 as there are some rather skinny women gyrating the parts of their bodies you would imagine need to be gyrated in order to get those abs looking that good.  They were all (of course) dressed in as little clothing as possible (gotta show of the abs, right?) and the male exercise leader did not even bother to put on a shirt.  Fortunately for me by this time another channel had the early morning news on and so I switched over to that for the duration of our night together.

Around 6:30 I went back into our bedroom to find the Doberman stretched out on my half of the bed.  As I entered the room she opened one eye and did not move any other muscle.  She did not even have the courtesy of looking guilty.  I imagine the wife might have fought this idea at first but in her defense, the dog does put out some major heat so I could not be upset.  Once I convinced the 3 of them (including Oreo) that it was time to get up, our day then began like any other day.  The son is a little excited as he thinks this will give him the advantage in our 16 game chess tournament that we started yesterday.  We will see.  For now, I am concentrating on making it until noon when we are heading to the mother-in-law’s for the annual Thanksgiving leftovers lunch.  After that, I plan on getting in a well deserved nap.

Jon

A Strange Dream

It was a rare day where the wife had to work and I didn’t.  This gave the day a strange, Saturday-like feeling all day long even up until bed time when the son asked me if we were attending the early or late service for church tomorrow.  The daughter was feeling under the weather and spent most of the day on the couch lounging around with Oreo nearby (he usually hangs out on the couch all day anyway but today someone was hogging his pillow).  This left the son and I to entertain ourselves.  Before I get into that, I do want to tell you about a strange dream I had though.

For some reason (it was never made clear in the dream) I was back in a house that I grew up in from approximately age 12 to after I graduated high school.  I remember there being other people there that I knew but for the life of my I do not remember who they are now.  Maybe I just seemed to know them for the purpose of this dream.  Anyway, I remember being hungry so I went into the kitchen in search of food.  The only thing I could find was some sort of sandwich pack in the refrigerator.  I do not know quite how to describe it but you had to assemble the sandwich and then microwave it.  The package appeared to have the building blocks for three ham sandwiches and so I assembled one and then headed toward the microwave.  I decided to read the heating instructions on the side of the package and they read something like this…

Place sandwich in microwave and start oven.  Count like one-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, etc until you reach forty-five Mississippi and then the sandwich will be done.

This seemed extremely odd to me (even in the dream) but I followed the instructions.  After I reached twelve-Mississippi I realized that the microwave door was open and the oven was still microwaving.  I was quite alarmed and no matter what I did to close the door it would not stay shut.  I then placed my focus on stopping the oven and no combination of buttons would shut it off.  Panicked, I finally unplugged the device from the wall and that was that.  I do remember making a mental note to google the effects of standing near a running microwave while it was running (by the way, I did this today and did not find any consistent answers).  After the microwave incident in my dream, I went upstairs to my old room and then the dream ended.

I told this dream to the family tonight (with slight embellishment and some theatrics to spice it up) and we all had a good laugh.  I can imagine the one-Mississippi, two-Mississippi becoming a running gag now though whenever we use the microwave.

OK, back to how the day went.  The son decided this morning that he and I would play some chess.  16 games of chess to be exact.  This equates to the number to games in the regular season of the NFL and is the reason for the number of games being 16 (he is really into pro football for some reason this year but did pick an exceedingly bad year to be a Cowboys fan).  He decided we would play 6 games today and 5 each the next two days.  We ended the day with me having 5 wins and 1 draw.  He had me beat in that drawn game but with a queen-king to king advantage he accidently stalemated me and thus the tie.  He was quite upset over this but this is one reason to play a losing game.  You never know what is going to happen (or what mistakes your opponent might make).  He usually beats me about 1/3 of the time so today was a good day for me.  I never play down to his level, ever.  Even when he was first playing chess (when he was 5 and asked me about the “other” pieces that came with our checker board), I never once “let” him win.  I probably won the first 1,000 games before (at age 6) he beat me for the first time.  He played competitively in tournaments until he was 9 or so and then lost interest.  He did get to be ranked in the top 100 for his age when he was 7 and 8 and was briefly the top player in Indiana for his age group.  I remember countless (endless) Saturdays at youth chess tournaments.  I recall hanging out with the other chess dads (who were all better than me I think).  We havn’t played much in the past year or so and it was fun to play against him again.  I will have to let you know how the last 10 games go.

Jon

A Thankful Blog

The wife and I were lying in bed this morning discussing the day ahead.  As today is Thanksgiving we are heading out to my mother’s-in-law house (wow that sounds funny and I much prefer mother-in-law’s and honestly I don’t know which is correct – but upon further review).  This is the normal thing we do on Thanksgiving but the gathering will have a few more people than normal.  Normally it is just the mother-in-law, the sister-in-law, the wife, the son, the daughter and me.  Every once in a while a friend will join us but the number is usually around 6 or 7.  This year we will be pushing a dozen and I don’t need to remind you, faithful reader, that I do not like crowds.

Anyway, as I said, we were discussing the day and I was (for the 33rd time) trying to convince her that I did not need to go.  She gave me “the look” again and told me that she knew that I would do the right thing.  I commented to her that “doing the right thing” really had nothing to do with it.  She then asked me to explain that statement.

“Imagine if you will a weight scale” I started.  She then became a little more interested and propped up on one elbow, settling in for my explanation.  I went on to tell her that on the two sides of the scale I measure the ramifications of each choice.  On the one side is an afternoon of suffering through the niceties of small talk with family members and acquaintances (con) with good food (pro) and the incessant request to take home leftovers (con) or return tomorrow for leftovers (con).  On the other side of the scale is an afternoon alone (pro) with the dogs (con) but having to live down for many Thanksgivings to come the choice not to come (major con).  When I contemplate this imaginary scale, I can see it tilting toward attending Thanksgiving today.  Thus, my decision is made.  “What about doing the right thing?  Where does that come in?”, she asked.  I then told her (as I patted her on the head) that the “right thing” only really comes in as the tie breaker.  This was met with “another look” and then silence.

So, as I write this blog, I am looking forward to / dreading Thanksgiving dinner in a few hours but I am thankful for at least one thing this Thanksgiving, blogging.  You see, this is my 500th blog since I started way back when with my first blog entry back in July of 2006.  I have mentioned multiple times before that blogging is very therapeutic.  It helps me to sort through my feelings and do one of the things I enjoy most, making people laugh.  So if you are a new reader or one that has been with me since the beginning, thank you for reading my blog (gracias por leer mi blog).

Jon

Behind The Curtain

One of the new TV shows that the wife and I are enjoying this year is “Better With You”.  For those of you not familiar with the show, it follows the lives of three couples.  The first couple have been together a very short time but are engaged and expecting their first child.  The second couple (which involves the sister of the woman in the first couple) have been together for many years but are not yet married.  The third couple is the parents of the women in the first two couples.

On a recent episode, the first couple are preparing to move in together and the other couples are giving them advice (the men advising the husband to be and the women the wife to be).  Since the first couple has not been together very long, the older sister warns her younger sister of looking “behind the curtain” of her fiancé's life and learning things she may not want to learn (bad habits, etc).  This is always good advice as during the honeymoon period of any relationship we are careful to guard this part of our lives and hide items “behind the curtain” (one thing the husband to be admit to is biting his toenails).

Yesterday morning I was near our bathroom sink as the wife was getting ready for the day.  She was applying deodorant to her underarms.  Now it is not that I was counting the strokes but after a period of time it seemed to me that an adequate amount was transferred however she was still applying.  I commented that, in my estimation, a sufficient coat of deodorant was delivered and an acceptable coating was achieved.  Of course this was met with “the look” but was followed with and explanation.  She said that she did not want to be the smelliest thing at work.

Now several things went through my head with (not the least interesting) one of them being that there was somehow a chart whereby the employees or perhaps the customers at her place of work actually rated things from least smelliest to most smelliest.  In the brief moment I entertained this thought I saw a sticker chart or maybe a small trophy (Least Smelliest Employee?) displayed where all could see.  After that left my mind I then began to consider the fact that my wife works at a pet store.  This means that (even if there were a contest of some sort) she would be competing with pet store smells.  Things like…

• Dogs (pets are welcome in the store)
• Dog owners (let’s face it, we live with animals, our standards are lower)
• Dog food (invariably there has to be an open bag somewhere)
• Birds and their cages
• Hamsters and their cages
• Other employees (I have met some of them, the wife could under-smell most of them on a bad [or would that be a good?] day)
• etc

I explained this concept to her and I was give another version (a little stronger this time) of “the look” and then the deodorant was placed back in the cabinet.

Anyway, one thing behind the wife’s curtain that I am just now discovering is the attention she gives to the smell factor even when the competition is low.  Of course one thing that the wife did not know was behind my curtain was my narcissistic need to tell the world about things such as these.

Jon

Despondent

I got “the question” last Tuesday.  The conversation started innocently enough, “Hey, what are you doing Saturday?”  The conversation took place at work via our internal instant messaging system.  Now, I had to tread carefully here.  Not only did I have to answer this open ended question carefully but my response needed to be timely as well.  I could not linger with my hands on the keyboard without them moving, entering my response.  After a few milliseconds (give or take) I knew that I did not have any other response other than “Nothing, why?”

The answer to that question came almost instantly, as if it were already written from the other end and the other party’s mouse pointer was poised on the SEND button with their finger on the clicker, eager to pull the trigger.  “I need you to help me move.”  Bang, the shot was fired, I could not dodge the bullet.  The conversation turned upbeat slightly “I’m buying lunch.”  I really had nothing planned (like most Saturdays) and I am not one to give up a free lunch so I agreed and my Saturday planner now had an entry.

The person who asked mentioned there would be other helpers as well but I was unsure if I would know any of them.  The person who is asking both works at the same company that I work at and attends the same church that I attend.  So, I did not know if it was “work Jon” or “church Jon” he was asking.  If it was “work Jon” then it was unlikely I would know my fellow movers as we work for different divisions of the company.  If it was “church Jon” then the odds went up a bit.  In the back of my head it didn’t really matter I guess as there was lunch (as in free) involved and I my male ego is stroked a bit whenever anyone asks for my help that involves my physical strength (as opposed to most of the times that I am asked to help which usually involves computers).

It turns out that he was not asking “church” or “work” Jon but rather “available this Saturday” Jon.  I arrived shortly after 10 AM (the scheduled start time) and met a non work, non church fellow mover.  After a few minutes another non work / church mover showed up.  There were an ample amount of donuts available (a non announced bonus feature) so that slowed down the start of the moving but gave me time to get to know my fellow workers.  Eventually some church friends showed up and we had a mighty crew ready to tackle the job at hand.

Now, to the topic of this blog, despondency.  We were only moving half the stuff in the house as the other half remained with his wife.  It was tough to remain upbeat based on the “why” of the need to move.  I know both the husband and wife and so this was hard (but more awkward than anything) for me.  It was the elephant in the room all day (in all the rooms of both locations – the from and the to).  Fortunately many hands made the work easier and even though we were at times left like Indians without a chief, we got the vehicles loaded and and unloaded pretty quickly.  Still though, we all knew the situation.

My parents ended their marriage when I was 11.  I don’t remember a lot about that time but I imagine now how hard it must have been on each of them.  As I recall, it was us (Mom, my younger brother and I) that moved as Dad stayed in the house initially.  It was exciting for me since we were in a new (to us) house that we were renting from a relative and all my stuff came with me.  Having to divide up my belongings as this couple had to do (with some decisions having to be handled on moving day, in front of us movers) is something I cannot fathom.  Even now as I look around my house I can’t think of what would be mine to take if I were ever in that situation.  It is not pleasant to think about.

This morning our pastor spoke about Psalm 88.  He said that it would likely be the only time in our life that we would see this as the passage in a sermon.  It is a truly depressing psalm.  It deals with the psalmist’s despondency and does not offer even a gleam of hope at the end of the psalm.  I appreciate a pastor that does not shy away from the tough passages.  His ultimate point was that it is ok (at times) to be despondent.  There are times in life when all is bleak and no religion’s followers are immune to it.  It is what it is and there is no need to deny it.  I am not saying that this is how this couple felt, I am simply saying that it is how I imagine myself feeling should I find myself in the same lot.

After the moving was complete (three trips back and forth) I did not feel much sense of accomplishment.  Everything was just in piles and boxes (or piles of boxes) and (other than the bed and a dresser or two) most things were not where they needed to be.  My work / church friend had a lot of work to do before the day was through in order to have some sense of normalcy in his apartment.  I will see him in the hallways at work.  I do not know if I will see him at church.  It will be awkward for a while as I am not one to know what to say and do in these situations.

Thinking back, my life has been great.  I have had a pretty good run of happiness.  I don’t have things that I can point to that were particularly difficult times in my life.  I cannot relate to those who are going through difficult times.  I do not have any thoughts from experience to share.  I guess I should just be quiet and help when needed, even if it is on a Saturday and even if a free lunch (or a donut) is not involved.

Jon

A Doberman Sundial

I do not have a desk at home so if I am working from home for my day job I tend to work from the kitchen table.  If I am facing my monitor (let’s call that 12 o’clock) then at about 10 o’clock I can see the back yard out the windows of our back doors.  At 3 o’clock I can see the living room and (through the picture window) the front yard.  One of the minor reasons I work from home is so the dogs don’t have to be in their cages for 7+ hours while the wife is away to work.  I wonder though as I watch them throughout the day if it really matters.  Other than a trip or two outside they pretty much just lay like slugs around the house.  This is probably what they would do in their cages I imagine.

While Oreo spends about 90% of his time on the couch, Nina mixes it up by laying all around the house.  Her places include the floor near my feet, her (open) cage, the kitchen and (depending on the location of the sun) various places in the living room.  Her position in the living room is very specific in that it is always in the sunlight.  She is so consistent that I can tell what time it is from her position, sort of like a Doberman sundial.

Above is the earliest time recorded on my living sundial.  This is about 8:30 am.  Technically she is in the hallway / entryway.  The sun heads from left to right until it reaches the the easternmost wall in the living room.

The above picture is around 1:30 pm and just out of the picture to the right is the bookshelf that is against the wall of the living room.  Once the sun is gone from the living room, Nina then randomly picks another spot to lay or goes outside to catch more sun in the back yard.  She did this in the heat of the summer when we lived in Texas and sometimes while she is in the back yard you can almost read her body language as saying, “What did y’all (she was born in Texas) do with the heat?”

I have a wired network connection ran to the back bedroom now and we are in the market for a desk to put back there so I can have a real place to work.  Once I move back there I will have to rely on the clock as my sundial will not be viewable from there.

Jon

Lady Gaga and Richard Wagner

My sister in law told my wife the other day that she heard that Lady Gaga was going to become a minister so she could perform same-sex marriages.  A little googling later and it turns out that this rumor does appear to have some validity to it.  We do not have cable or satellite TV pumped into our house so we tend to miss these important pieces of news that involve celebrities.  Our family’s knowledge of Lady Gaga is limited to the Glee cast covering a few of her songs and watching (without the kids present) a video or two of hers on YouTube (freaky stuff, in case you didn’t know).  Her tunes are catchy enough, you just can’t get the images of the videos out of your head.  Some things, once seen, cannot be un-seen.

Last night while waiting for the weekend to end, I was looking at one of my favorite websites, Woot!.  If you have never heard of Woot! then may I suggest you NOT click on the links that I have provided (don’t say I didn’t warn you when you become addicted to this site).  Specifically, I was looking at the Deals section of Woot! where there are a few, daily posted deals and then the Woot! community can post other deals they have found, make comments on other’s posted deals, etc.  This is sort of like a bulletin board for good deals.  Anyway, I saw a link where the Amazon mp3 store had “The 99 Darkest Pieces of Classical Music” on sale for $1.99.  This is 99 pieces of music totaling around 11 hours in play time.  I recognized a few of the titles (the wife has brought some appreciation of classical music to our marriage for which I am grateful) and I thought that $2 was not too bad of a deal.  Given my slow internet speed, it took several hours to download the entire collection but by this morning I had thrown all the songs in a playlist on our home theater PC and we were enjoying these “dark” pieces.

One of the songs early in the playlist (track 4 to be precise) is “The Valkyrie: Ride of the Valkyries” which was composed by Richard Wagner in 1851.  It is a very famous piece and even the 8 year old recognized it immediately (by sound, not by title).  The wife knew the title but did not know the composer so it was off to Wikipedia for more information.  I have noted in past blogs that I could lose hours on Wikipedia if not careful so I limited myself to the entry about this piece of music and the entry about Wagner himself.  Fascinating stuff really.  You can read the article (go ahead, I won’t mind) but the things that stood out to me were…

• While written in 1851, the piece was not performed until 1870 and even then it was against Wagner’s wishes
• Wagner spent 12 years in exile for his part in politics, namely being a supporter of socialist / leftist movements
• Wagner's published a notable essay: "The Art-Work of the Future" (1849), in which he described a vision of opera as a “total work of art", in which the various arts such as music, song, dance, poetry, visual arts, and stagecraft were unified
• In his lifetime, Wagner inspired fanatical devotion.  For a long period, many composers were inclined to align themselves with or against Wagner's music.

So Wagner was a popular musician (Gaga) that threw himself into the political issues of the day (Gaga) and who envisioned entertainment as a combination of song, dance, visual arts and stagecraft (Gaga).  I think we as Americans tend to brush off celebrities and their foray into politics as funny or cute but this is no new thing it seems.  I could probably take more time than this to research the history of musicians and politics but I am just too lazy for that, besides I have 11 hours of music to listen to.

Oh, one more thing.  I found a coupon code in the comments section of the Woot! deals site that, if used before 1 Nov, gave a $3 credit toward the Amazon mp3 store.  Since the 99 songs only cost $1.99 that left me with $1.01 left which I used to purchase one single song by (you guessed it) Lady Gaga.

Jon