Blog Number 244

Greetings and welcome to today's random thought.

We are trucking right along in our Spanish lessons.  I now can say incredibly useful phrases like "La mujer está saltando" (The woman is jumping) and "Los niños están caminando" (The children are walking).  I say book the trip to Argentina now, I know all that I need to know!  The wife and son are taking the same lessons and I am trying to stay a lesson or two ahead of them so I can help them out if needed.  Also, I have the unfair advantage of talking to folks from Argentina on an almost daily basis so I can practice (and show off).

The dog (el perro) is growing like a weed.  She has about doubled her weight since the wife and kids brought her home.  She does have this annoying (to me) habit though of licking.  I suppose all dogs do this but I am not around all dogs.  Most of my time around the dog is planning ways to avoid getting licked (or splocked as I call it).  My wife has informed me of the various reasons why dogs lick but I am not buying any of it.  I have my own theory.  I think that her tongue just itches.  I mean, she will lick anything (and I mean anything, I will forego an exhaustive list of all things licked thus far but trust me, there are some humdingers in the list).  No, she cannot be licking for any of the reasons that my wife suggests   My "tongue itch" theory makes sense and covers the reason why she licks all the things that she does.  If there were a dog manual (that dogs are given when they leave their mothers and come to their new homes) I know there would be an entire chapter (perhaps several chapters) on licking.  It would be behind smelling in the list of importance but it is up there above chewing and biting.  Here is how I think the book would read (translated from the original dog language).

Chapter 2: Licking

From the moment you wake up until the time that you close your eyes for your next nap (see Chapter 7: Napping), your tongue will undoubtedly itch.  There is no use complaining (literally whining) about it but here are a few tips on controlling the ungodly itch.

• Lick things (all things).  For reasons beyond our dog comprehension, humans allow us this pleasure for our entire lives.  I have heard of a few owners who have caused a dog or two to stop licking but this is rare.  Odds are that you will be allowed to lick just about anything so abuse this privilege as much as you can.
• Lick certain things. 
  • Your crotch.  If you are alone you could literally lick this part of your body until you are out of saliva.  Be careful though as there have been a few cases of rashes breaking out down there.  Also, it is addictive and some dogs will find that they cannot be stopped even when disciplined by their owners.
  • Human flesh.  This is perhaps the best thing to lick of all.  There are certain chemicals in the human skin make up that alleviate the never ending itch.  If you have an adult male human in the house, lick his flesh every chance you get.  The adult male human flesh is the most potent antidote to the itch that is known to dogs.  Thank the bone gods if you have an adult male that will allow you to lick him.

Now this is just an excerpt of the dog manual as the chapter on licking is quite exhaustive (as those of you who have dogs can well imagine).  At any rate, I feel for our dog.  I know how I feel when I have an itch that I cannot scratch.  I will have to keep you posted on how she does.  Until then...

Thanks for reading my Random Thoughts.

Jon