Fair warning; this is another one of those blogs where I try to make sense of a recent dream that I had. As with other posts, I will begin with denying that I put any faith in dreams or the interpretation of dreams in the modern sense (“mene, mene, tekel, parsin” aside). But when a dream comes along that is so interesting that I think about it for a day or two, well I feel that I need to share.
The dream takes place back in Indiana at a church that we used to attend. The normal folks are there that you would expect (if you had been an attendee at this church at the time that we attended) with one except, my current manager who currently lives in the state of Idaho. We were having a carry-in dinner (side note: if you are ever thinking of joining a new church, you have to vet the carry-in dinner quality first). I was seated at a large table and sitting next to my manager. Other than him being there, you would not think of this dream as anything abnormal but let me explain how I think this all ties together.
Recently we had what was called an “Employee Development Day” for the parent organization that I work for. It ran for most of the day and was pretty fun. Breakfast and lunch was served, a friend of mine was on a panel of 3 discussion various things they had done over their career to develop it and they even bussed in a group of 2nd graders (I think that you call that a gaggle) for a special reading of “The Lorax” (I had never read the book actually and since most of the kids had seen the recent movie based on the book, I was more on the edge of my seat then they were). Anyway, a good time was had by all. The speakers really kept hitting on a few main points and one of them was that since our company (and organization within the company) was so huge, then you have plenty of opportunity to try something new or chase your interest; in other words, to develop yourself as an employee.
Ever since I was hired into this company (almost 13 years ago), I have pretty much done the same thing. I have had 12 managers and been part of plenty of different organizations but I have pretty much done the same thing since late in the year 2000. I must do it pretty well since I have survived countless cutbacks and reductions in the workforce. I have never really thought that much about doing anything else but the employee development day really got me to thinking. I thought about been typecast in a certain position and being passed over for things due to this so the first chance that I got when I returned to my desk I looked at the open jobs listing within my organization and started talking to the hiring managers for those positions. I let my manager know so that he did not get blindsided if one of the managers contacted him. Long story short, I found a position, applied for it, interviewed for it and was offered it. Then came the awkwardness part. How to tell your manager that you want to leave.
On paper this was a no brainer. The position is sort of a promotion and it is doing something different in an area that has tons of possibilities. However, I have not had a true back up, for anything that I do, for a few years now. If you list out my responsibilities, it covers over a dozen systems that are not all related. No one person has the background to cover for everything that I do. Not only does this make taking vacations hard, but it makes replacing me quickly very hard as well. The timing could not be worse for my manager (and his manager as well) as they have a few key people retiring in a few months. They will have a hard enough time replacing them (even with an 11 month warning from each of them since they are leaving as part of an early retirement offering we had a while back) and then I would throw this on them as well. This was the only thing holding me back from just accepting the offer. I think this is why I had the dream.
If you look at all the things in the dream, you will see that they have one thing in common; namely that I have left them. I certainly left Indiana (though I do not think that Indiana will miss me). As for the setting of the carry-in dinner, well I had left that church as well (even before leaving Indiana). When the wife and I left that particular church, we were serving in a few key areas. It was going to be tough to find people who could take over for us on short notice (and going forward since we were not returning). We really struggled with leaving that church (and I think that is one reason I am hesitant to get too involved in a church down here in Texas). In the end we did leave (as you might have guessed). The church obviously survived as did the areas where we served. This is where my current manager comes in I think and why he was at the carry-in dinner. I feel like I am abandoning him as well. Part of me thinks I am irreplaceable but most of me knows this is not the case. I do know that there will be a period of time when whoever takes on my responsibilities will do a worse job than I did (terribly unfair of course what with a 12 year head start in experience that I have). But, when I would think about taking the position (a no brainer of a decision), this is the part that would hold me back. I knew that the people that I support (there are thousands of people that use the systems that I support) and my manager would have to work harder and deal with this all because of me “abandoning” them.
I know that in 3 months this will be a non issue (or at least I hope it will be). I know that part of me hopes that it is not (the part that thinks that I am irreplaceable). As a co-worker said to me when I was sharing my struggle with my decision, “Your leaving will create an opportunity for someone else.” To that person (or persons) I say “You’re welcome”. I know if you do a good job, it will make me feel better.
Jon
