Waiting For The Burn

I wanted to share with you an experience I had in the shower last week.  Don’t worry, I will keep it PG (or maybe PG-13 depending if you mean 1990’s PG or 2014 PG criteria).

I shower in the mornings.  I feel I need to share this with you so that you understand that the event that I am about to describe occurred when I was less than 100% awake and probably only after one cup of coffee.

There is a scene in the original, 1950 version of the movie Cheaper By The Dozen (IMDB link) whereby the father (a motion studies expert) describes the fastest way to bathe.  I have a similar process for showering that I have worked on and I can normally get in and out of the shower in less than 5 minutes.  I move from one part of my body to another rather quickly and have a certain progression that goes something like this…

1. Get body wet, including hair
2. Put conditioner in hair*
3. Lather up face soap and wash face, neck and behind the ears
4. Rinse off face
5. Lather up bar soap and wash armpits, nether regions** and then feet
6. Rinse off hair and body

* I only wash my hair on Fridays so there is a different process for that day of the week
** Hopefully this is PG enough for you as I will refer to this region later on in this blog

This is my current process but a key point to this story is that step 3 used to involve using the same bar soap that I used on the rest of my body in step 5…that is until my wife brought home this bar of this soap.

Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Castile Bar Soap
https://www.drbronner.com/DBMS/BARSOAP/OBPE05.html

Initially I was excited about having some new soap as the last bar had reached what I will call “sliver” status.  It was only a bar of soap by the loosest of definitions.  What was remaining from this bar did not even have enough volume to attempt to use the Vulcan Soap Meld that we all have done from time to time when moving to a new bar of soap from an old one.  The new bar was nice and rectangular with sharper edges and it even smelled very nice (since it contained peppermint).  The peppermint, however, was ultimately my undoing.

I got into the shower with this new bar of soap and reached step 3 fast enough and had moved on to step 5.  I would estimate the start of step 3 to the start of step 5 takes about 1 minute.  As I reached the end of step 5 however, despite having rinsed off my face in step 4, my face began to tingle.  The tingle turned into another sensation (that I cannot quite find a word to describe).  It was then that I began to think that something was not right.  That nameless, second feeling then turned into a burn.

I tried, quickly, to rinse my face again but that did not help.  It was then that I began doing some math.  The tingle / burn happened about 60 seconds after I had initially washed my face.  I lost about 10 seconds testing if a re-rinsing would help so that meant that in about 50 seconds or so my nether regions would also be experiencing this same sensation.  I also resigned myself to the fact that I was powerless to stop it since rinsing the soap off appeared to have no effect.

At the same time i both wanted those 50 seconds to pass quickly and for them to pass slowly.  The only way I can compare this is to the feeling when you stub your toe and there is a brief moment when you are not feeling much pain but you know a wave of greater pain is coming.  For toe-stubbing, the “waiting for the pain” to “feeling pain” usually only takes a second or two.  In my case I almost had a minute to think about what was to come.  It felt like longer than 50 seconds though.

In the end I got through it and despite what you would think I am still using this soap for parts of my body other than my face.  With rearranging my wash / rinse process to happen for each area of my body, the pain is almost non-existent and only the tingling sensation occurs and, other than the most nether of my nether regions, it is a benign to slightly enjoyable experience.

Jon

Let’s Try This Again

Faithful reader, you may recall my failed Motivation Project from around this time last year.  It ended up in me Abandoning the Project.  I did make some progress over the summer and did get down to just under 190 lbs. however another 9 lbs. has somehow snuck back on to my personage.  I have successfully lost this same weight in previous years (check out the Outsourcing My Body blog series from early 2012).  I had an idea over the weekend and I sent the following email to my children…

===BEGIN EMAIL===

Subject: New Project (and a way for you to make some money)
Body:
Children,
    I, your father, have gained some the weight back I have lost over the summer and now am needing your help (and I will pay you for it).
    Here is my plan: I currently weigh 199 pounds (I weighed myself this morning).  I have a goal of getting down to 180 pounds and a "stretch goal" of getting down to 175 pounds.  A stretch goal is an extra goal that you make in case you make your original goal and still want to continue.  It is a word we use at work here at HP.
    Anyway, I will make a few, smaller goals and I will reward YOU, my children, when I hit those goals.  The rewards will increase as I lose more weight and they will be as follows...

Weight Reached	Cash Reward
195	$ 6
190	$ 14
185	$ 20
180	$ 26
175	$ 34

    So, as I reach each goal (195 pounds, 190 pounds, etc.) you will received the Cash Reward to SPLIT between yourselves.  For example, if I reach 195 pounds then you will each receive $3 (so $6 total reward).  When I reach 190 pounds, you will each get $7 (so $14 total reward) and so on.  If you add up all the rewards, it equals $100 (so $50 each).  This money will sit, unused, until I reach each goal.  I have the money with me as I write this email.  I will not give up / quit and spend it on something else.  Whatever is left of this $100 after 6 months (so May 3rd of 2015) I will put in the offering plate at church.
    Now, your job is to help me lose weight.  You can be creative but here are a few ideas that I have...

1. Encourage me.  I need you to be POSITIVE since calling me things like Fat Old Man or Lazy No Good Cheap Father will not help.
2. Exercise with me.  Get up early and take a walk (or run) with me.  Maybe we do the 200 Sit Up or 100 Push Up challenge together.  Maybe you force me to walk a dog (while you walk another dog alongside me) in the evenings.
3. Don't tempt me.  Don't ask to eat out so often or make ice cream runs or ask for candy or other high calorie, no nutrition things around the house (I am tempted to eat what is in the house).  I am not saying we cannot do these things, but it will delay you getting your cash reward or cause you to lose it in the church offering bag.
4. Be creative.  What else can you think of?  Maybe you set goals for me for steps per day (Son, I will need my pedometer back).

    Let me know if you have any questions.  We start tomorrow (or tonight if you like)!
Dad

===END EMAIL===

    So there you have it.  In 6 months I will be $100 poorer, one way or another, and I may or may not have lost all of the weight and hit my goal.  I will keep you posted.
Jon

Why Do You Want To Join Our Team?

Let me start with a statement that I almost find hard to believe: I have not paid for a haircut in about 5 years.  This is a true statement in the sense that I have not paid any money to an individual to cut my hair (Great Clips, etc.).  I have simply either let my hair grow (sometimes for a year at a time) or shaved it using clippers that I had purchased in the past (here is the first self haircut blog).  I suppose you could make a point that I paid for the clippers but I paid for them over 5 years ago.  Now, the wife did buy a better set to use on the dogs and I have used that set from time to time.  No matter.

Recently I have cut my hair shorter and shorter.  I went from a “4” (1/2”) blade guard to a “3” and worked my way down to a “1” (1/8”).  The “1” was a bit short for my taste and eventually the “1” broke so I simply used a “2” on my hair once a month.  A few weeks ago though I went with a “0” (no blade guard at all).  Now, that is a bit of a stretch as the Wahl trimmer that I use does have a built in guard and it has 2 heights.  I started with the longest height (definitely shorter than a “1”).  Then I began to think about the next step.

I talked with several guys that I work with who happen to cut their hair very short or even shave their head.  I would stop by their cubicle and ask if they had a moment for a non work related question.  The first person I spoke to used a trimmer with a built in guard on the lowest setting.  I was curious as to how much work it was going to be to keep my hair looking OK. Once a month had been my norm but he indicated that he needed to trim his hair every 4 days or so otherwise it began to look bad (some hairs do grow at different speeds I guess).  I thought about this for a few days and then put the guard at its lowest setting and cut my hair as short as it had ever been (I think I had hair when I was born so to the best of my knowledge, this is a true statement).

For the next few days my head felt strange.  The wind felt very different and I found myself stroking my head all over uncontrollably.  I got used to it though.  I then stopped by the cubicle of a co-worker who began shaving his head sometime in the past few years.  I asked about the time commitment and he indicated that he shaved his whole head every day and it took 8 to 10 minutes (including beard) per day.  I asked how much he spend in razors and he did not have an exact number but did admit that he did consider that but no matter what he spent, it was still cheaper than paying someone else to do it.  After that talk, I began to consider shaving my head, if only once, just to see what it felt and looked like.  But there was another piece of information that both co-workers shared with me.

As I spoke with each person, they had this subtle look and even attitude (probably not the correct word) as they were giving me advice.  You see, both of these people decided to cut their hair very short only after they started losing their hair.  They arrived at this hair style as a “least worst” solution given their limited choices.  As they would each talk to me I would notice them look at the top of my head and my obviously dense, thick hair up there.  It was as if they were confused as to why I would consider their hair style when I had other options.  They were asking me, “Why do you want to join our team when you can be on the other team?”  They each seem to suggest that, if given the choice, they would not have the haircut that they had chosen but would rather have longer hair if they had a head of hair like mine.  If they were in my shoes, they would not play on their team.

I was sharing this thought with another co-worker (a younger one with more hair).  He did seem to understand and after I showed him a picture of me from 2006, he suggested I let my hair grow a few months, maybe even until Christmas, and then actually pay for a haircut and come back to the team that not only has hair but also pays for its upkeep.

I am not sure what I am going to do really.  I did decide against shaving my head (even once, just to see what it looked and felt like) but I am not sure about just letting it grown months on end.  It is very short right now (maybe 1/8”) so it will take some time to get it long enough that it even needs to be brushed or combed (probably 6 weeks).  I will have to keep you posted.

Jon

Venti, Dark, Room

Well another month has passed with no blog entry from me.  Apologies.

A few months back my company ran a “Wellness Challenge”.  They do this every year and I usually participate.  You can set up teams, measure your health (via weight lost, minutes exercised or steps walked), and earn points that can be spent on prizes.  This year they really focused on steps walked though so I put on my pedometer each morning and really tried to take as many steps as possible.

I would find longer routes to do various routines.  I even went to an upstairs bathroom via a route that netted me about 500 extra steps round trip.  I began walking more at home at night (which the dogs much enjoyed).  I even changed how I got coffee.

The free coffee that is almost undrinkable is only 70 steps away from my cubicle.  The coffee in the cafeteria downstairs is 250 steps (give or take depending if I walk down or ride down the escalator).  They serve Starbucks brand coffee and when I want coffee, that is where I normally go.  However, in my effort to increase my steps I began to walk to the nearest Starbucks which is just over 1/2 mile away.  The route I took to get coffee was now almost 2,000 steps so I would walk it most days (weather permitting).  I even got a co-worker to join me a time or two.  A few times early on I even walked a bit further to the Dunkin Donuts (but their coffee is not to my liking).

The Wellness Challenge lasted (8) weeks so I made 30+ trips to Starbucks.  I still make the trip most days even though the challenge has been over for a few weeks.  Other than trying iced coffee a time or two, my order was always the same, a venti coffee.  I have not visited Starbucks that much in my life and when I do it is usually with the wife.  I normally let her order for me.  As with ordering at restaurants, I let her order 2 things that sounded good to her, let her try each, and then have whichever one she liked least.  So, I have not developed a feel for the Starbucks language skills needed to place an order like all the normal patrons do.

I stood in line the first few weeks feeling like a foreigner in a foreign land while those in front me of me in line let their very complicated sounding orders roll off their tongues while the cashiers reacted with effortlessness jotting of the key words or symbols on the sides of cups (“Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato” anyone?).  Sometimes the cashier would ask to confirm an order first before the person could even speak.  I assume these people were regulars and ordered the same thing each time.

I quickly wanted to be one of these people.  I wondered how many days or weeks of coming in and ordering the same thing would net me a place among these people.  I was hoping for that “Norm!” feeling like on the TV show “Cheers”.

At first, I just ordered a “Venti Coffee”.  Sometimes the person would ask me what kind of coffee I wanted.  They offered (3) blends each day and when asked I would just indicate that I wanted the darkest roast.  After a while I started ordering a “Venti Dark Coffee”.  I also noticed that most times they would ask if I wanted room for cream (I did).  Occasionally though they would not ask this so I changed my order to  “Venti, Dark Coffee with Room for Cream”.  Once I got my order perfectly worded (and even a bit complicated sounding) I ordered it this way every day, day in and day out for (4) weeks.

I am still waiting for anyone to remember me and my order.  I began to get frustrated about not getting recognized in this way.  I began to formulate hypothesis about why I was not being remembered.  Maybe I needed to order a drink that required some preparation?  My drink was too easy perhaps?  After all, it was just coffee.  They did not even need to write my name down and then yell it out when it was finished.  Maybe that was it, maybe they needed to know my name!  Maybe I need to find something else to order that required some assembly (“Venti Iced Skinny Hazelnut Macchiato, Sugar-Free Syrup, Extra Shot, Light Ice, No Whip” perhaps?).

I think I will continue my morning walks but I think I will stop visiting Starbucks.  It will save me $2.54 per day (the price did go up $0.09 during my visits).  The same thing is only $2.09 downstairs in the cafeteria.  They don’t remember me there either (and I can avoid the Pizza Nazi).  The wife is suggesting we cut back on our caffeine anyway.  I wonder if they will even miss me?

Jon

Ten Thousand Miles

The odometer in the Fiat just passed 10,000 miles so I thought I would take some time to show you the anal-retentive way I keep track of my mileage since Day 1.  First a little background.

When I rolled off the lot in my Fiat 500 it had 73 miles on it.  It was given to me with a full tank so for the purpose of this exercise we can consider 73 = 0 in counting the miles I have driven.  Here is the first chart I would like to share showing mpg for each the 33 tanks of gas that I have used…

The Fiat 500 was listed as 34 mpg in town and 40 mpg on the highway.  Most my driving is in town so I was a bit disappointed with the initial mpg that I was getting.  I was hoping things would improve as the car was broken in and the trend line would indicate that it is. I have hit 35 mpg on 3 occasions.

Almost as important to me is the cost per mile which can be seen below for each tank…

This is a bit deceptive since not only mileage affects this but also the price per gallon…

So, as my miles / gallon increase, unfortunately so has the price / gallon.  This does allows for a steady price / mile cost though.

Some other information that may only be important to me is the cost per day.  I have spend $1,016 so far on gas over 289 days for a price / day of $3.52.  My car payment originally was $8.83 per day (I have since then moved my loan to my credit union for a lower interest rate and shorter term making it $9.70 per day now).  I will not bore you (further) with my insurance costs.  I have only had the maintenance costs of an oil change and that sums up my costs.  I am on pace to drive 12,700 miles for the first 12 months though that will go up as the son and I are heading to Indiana with a brief stop in Tennessee on the way.  That should add close to 2,000 miles.

If you want a copy of my super duper spreadsheet that allows me to track all these things just leave me a comment.

Jon

The Listening Project–Supplemental Blog 11

So I picked up a few CDs recently from GoHastings.  I went way over my average $1 of spend per CD (probably averaged $4 each with shipping) but I was rewarding myself for finally starting to lose some weight.  I have been walking quite a bit and I needed some new tunes for my mp3 player to motivate me.

#	Artist	Album	Date Listened	Again?
1190	Chevelle	Sci-Fi Crimes	3/28/2014	Yes
1191	Chevelle	Vena Sera	3/31/2014	Yes
1192	Megadeth	Youthanasia	4/10/2014	Yes
1193	Megadeth	Risk	4/11/2014	Yes
1194	Megadeth	The World Needs a Hero	4/14/2014	Yes
1195	Megadeth	The System Has Failed	5/2/2014	Yes
1196	Megadeth	United Abominations	5/5/2014	Yes
1197	Megadeth	Endgame	5/6/2014	Yes
1198	Megadeth	TH1RT3EN	5/7/2014	Yes
1199	Megadeth	Super Collider	5/9/2014	Yes
1200	Pillar	For The Love Of The Game	5/19/2014	Yes
1201	Randy Stonehill	Paradise Sky	5/20/2014	Yes
1202	Stone Temple Pilots	Tiny Music…	5/21/2014	Yes
1203	Yes	90125	6/9/2014	Yes

• Chevelle “Sci-Fi Crimes” & “Vena Sera”:  Don’t you hate it when bands change their sound from album to album?  Well, with Chevelle you don’t have that problem.
• Megadeth (all CDs above): I probably should not have bought all of these at the same time but rather just a few at a time over a period of months.  Being angry and singing / screaming about it seems more believable from a 25 year old Dave Mustaine than a 45 year old Dave Mustaine.   All in all though I like all of these CDs.  I am only missing their first 2 releases to have their complete catalog of studio releases.  I did not care much for their sound before their 4th album anyway so I have all that I want.
• Randy Stonehill “Paradise Sky”: I was very shocked to find this on the $1 rack at Half Priced Books but there it was.  This is Randy re-recording stuff from this first few releases (circa 1970 through 1981).  The front cover of the CD says “Official Soundtrack to the movie FALLEN ANGEL” which I have never heard of but appears to be a documentary about Larry Norman (who produced 2 of Randy’s early LPs).  There is a long and possibly sordid tale about a great fallout between Randy and Larry.
• Yes “90125”: Buying this broke a rule for me.  It was a whopping $5 (at Amazon) but I used it as a filler item in my cart to get to the limit of free shipping.  This is the deluxe re-issue that contains my favorite version of “Leave It” (the a cappella
  version).

So I shot past 1200 CDs without blinking.  I will admit also to ordering (3) LPs recently but this blog is specific to CDs so I will likely not blog about them.  The LPs (from Bourgeios Tagg and The Call) were never released on CD that I could find.

Jon

Pizza Nazi

11 weeks between blog posts!  What has become of me?  I did want to take virtual pen to virtual paper though on a situation that did take place in the recent past.

We need to go back in time a bit, like maybe 7 years.  As most of you faithful readers know, I moved to Texas in 2006 and then back to Indiana in 2009 and then back to Texas again in 2011.  While in Texas the first time, I came into my company’s headquarters office to work.  The office is quite large and could hold 10,000 employees if needed I imagine.  I really have no idea how many people work here though.  Anyway, in my first stint in Texas, I frequented the cafeteria for lunch quite often.

Despite having plenty of choices like made to order hamburgers, fresh pasta, deli sandwiches, sushi, salad, etc., I rotated between the taco / burrito and pizza sections with the pizza place being my preference.  You can get a loaded, 10” personal pizza for less then $5 and single topping or cheese only pizzas were closer to $4.  I would normally get my pizza “to go" so it was put in a small, cardboard pizza box which I carried over to the check out lines to pay for it.  This is where I first met the Pizza Nazi.

This name is a little cruel but her demeanor is so much like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld that I could not help calling her that.  There were 3 lines with 3 cashiers but she was the only one who would make you open your pizza box to make sure you were not lying about your toppings.  I don’t know why this bothered my so much but I think it was because I felt like she assumed I was lying.  The way she asked you to open your box (with a non believable “please”) just did not set right with me.

It was the way she asked, the words she would emphasize, the pauses she would insert that drove home this feeling of being wrongly accused.  I cannot explain this very well with text.  You would have to hear her voice to know what I mean.  I would hear that accusatory voice from time to time in a crowd or on the street and it would stop me in my tracks.  Was it just my imagination, or was she watching me?  I tried to avoid her line when I could but sometimes when her line was way shorter than the others, it was just too obvious that I was avoiding her by getting in a longer line.  I would try to figure out if she had a day off and eat in the cafeteria on those days.  Ultimately I moved back to Indiana and left the cafeteria and the Pizza Nazi behind.

When I returned to Texas in 2011, I quickly found a cubicle back in the same office and noticed (almost as quickly) that the Pizza Nazi no longer worked in the downstairs cafeteria.  2012 and most of 2013 came and went and I resumed my pizza eating schedule and the world was great until…

I remember the moment that I realized that she had returned.  I was getting coffee one morning and heard her voice, that voice that had haunted me for those many years.  I cannot explain the daunting feeling that came over me at that moment.  I was disheartened, almost frightened even.  She had returned and my carefree pizza purchases, with only mentioning what was in the box and not having to open the lid, were over.

In her defense, she does seem more pleasant, or at least appears to be attempting to be more pleasant.  But even her “Thank You” and ”Have a Nice Day” seem forced, like she has been told to say those phrases but does not know how to convince the customer that she means it.  Again, text cannot do her speech justice.  I have stopped buying pizza again in the cafeteria but mostly due to calorie watching more than avoiding the Pizza Nazi (though she does play into the overall stoppage).  I do buy coffee in the morning but she never asks me to lift the lid on my coffee cup.  So, other than bearing her forced “Have a nice day!”, it is not too much to tolerate.

Jon